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Sit and await your death.
You sit crying in the sewer pipe. Why has life done this to you? You're going to die in this dirty hole and no-one knows you are here. Your sobs echo down the steel hole beside you. You're thirsty but can't bring yourself to drink the disgusting water at your feet. Who knows how long before it'll start looking attractive though."Hello? Is someone down there!?"
You turn your head up with a start. Above you is Bill Oddie, it's a good thing he's not famous or he might have been locked up.
"I was just looking for the lesser crested arse warbler! It's a fantastic creature, makes its nests out of-"
"Er, Bill, can you get me out of here?"
"Oh, yes, of course. I'm so sorry. I got distracted. You know, you look very funny stuck in there. Rather like the black hoober in its winter egg den. Marvelous little creature-"
"BILL!"
"Ah, yes!"
Bill, using the hulking muscles perfected in years of birdwatching, wrenches the grate free from the ground. You crawl out, rubbing your knees.
"Ha, I bet you're grateful!"
"Yes, thank you." you gasp.
"That was a pun you see. Hehe."
He may have just rescued you from certain death, but you really want to smack Bill Oddie right in the mouth.
Ask Bill where you are.
Punch him in the teeth.