Start the story!FAQ
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"Actually the tattoo is of Muhammad Ali"
"Jesus Christ," says the director. "Cut!" he shouts to the camera operator, blocking the lens with his hand. You hear the camera spin down.The director comes up to the bars. You recognize him: it's Michael Bay. "What kind of shit are you trying to pull?" Michael asks you. "We're not going to participate in your suicidal 'sticking it to Islam' scheme."
"But it's just Muhammad Ali! The boxer!" you say.
"You know full well that any depiction of Muhammad sets them off, even a noble one such as that of an athlete." Michael Bay turns to Maurice. "Don't worry about this, you'll be paid in full." He turns back to you. "You, sir. Via the magic of digital compositing, we will show the world how tiny Donal Gibson's penis really is." He turns to Mel. "Mel, I..."
Mel Gibson squats with his feet on the toilet rim, arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth and staring into space.
Michael Bay walks off, dialing on his mobile phone. As he turns the corner, you hear him asking how much it would cost to supplement your standard tiny-penis compositing package with some particularly nasty STD symptoms.
Go give Mel a hug. He looks like he needs it.
Call your agent to start a counter-campaign to spread the word on how large and healthy your penis is.