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Go give Mel a hug. He looks like he needs it.
You hug Mel Gibson, who turns into a healthy, passionate human being.Six months later, you are paroled via a freakish sequence of bureaucratic coincidences. As CIPCorp works overtime to patch up the flaws that allowed one of their inmates to slip through the cracks, you spend all your time writing, directing and narrating a documentary expose of the sordid inner workings of the CIP Porn-Industrial Complex.
At the premiere of "SuperCIP: Prisons Gone Wild," you field questions before the movie begins.
"Mr. Gibson," a reporter says. "Isn't it true that you have a tiny, diseased penis?"
You answer "no," but you can't hear your own voice over a roar of laughter that goes on for minutes. Every time you think it's about to die down, it starts up again, fresh. Finally, exasperated, you give the cue to dim the lights and play the film. They don't stop laughing for at least 5 minutes after the opening credits.
After it's over, it's time for more questions. Your film was varyingly touching, funny, energizing and inspiring, so you're hoping they'll be asking about one of those things.
"Mr. Gibson!" calls a reporter -- the same one as before? Surely not. "Nice miniscule, moldy cock you have there." Laughter again.
"My penis is healthy and of average size!" you shout angrily.
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