Celebrities in Prison

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#1013 Whatever you say, Maurice. by Maxine
"Don't get snappy with me." Maurice is mad now. He puts his keys away. You have missed your chance to use him. He walks away, scoffing.

You lean back against your cell wall, looking at your drunk brother, Mel Gibson, lying on the floor.

Steal whatever is in his pockets.
Try calling for someone other than Maurice.

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#1012 Wait to see what The Rza has to say. by TH


You wait 7 years, RZA does not say a single thing.

Then you hear the jingle of keys, the warden has arrived at the cell door. "RZA?" he inquires, "yea cuz?" RZA responds.

"Your sentence is up, your free to leave..." he claims with a smile, RZA seems pleasantly surprised, "Aw sick!" he excalimes and leaves the room along with his crones.

'great, now how am i gonna get out!' you say to yourself, "Maybe I should have just made the move..."

You realize just how much time has passed, you can't even remember how long your sentence is? You approach a warden. "Excuse me, do you know how much longer I've gotta be here?", The guard stares at you with mock surprise, "But sir, surely you remember being given a 20 year sentence?"

You gasp "20 years" You are 98 and definitely don't expect to live that long...

"Fiddlesticks! any chance of letting me out early huh?", The guard chuckles and remarks, "FYI, I don't think you will leave this building ever again..."

You literally sh*t yourself, and instantly you know, tonight's the night to break out and live my life!!

You need to enlist people to help you on your daring escape, you walk into the dining room at lunch, two celebrities catch your eye.

Susan Boyle AKA subo
Anthony Mcpartlin AKA ant

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#1011 Except you fate and hope someone passes by? by Ripperley

Defeated and broken, you except that you likely are doomed to truly die here.
Hang on a moment.

Except you won't! Aha!
Accept your fate instead.

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#1010 Sit around and watch Sesame Street. by Ripperley

While coming up with your devious plan, the realization hits you that much as you could destroy this entire troupe of children on your own, so could any one of the prison's guards.
Defeated, you shuffle over to the blaring noise of a small 52 inch flatscreen television to bask in the daily happenings of Bert and Ernie.

Change the channel.
Invite the guard to watch too.

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#1009 "You think your plan's gonna work?" by yee



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#1008 Look for a way out by TH

You search around.

All the walls are blank and there is only one door.

There is a mattress on the floor in the corner, they can't even be bothered to give you a proper bed.

A large foul smelling hole can be seen in the corner, must be some kind of toilet.

The floor is rough under your bare feet, desperation fills you as you think about the next 15 years of your life after eating that poor child.

At least you're not hungry anymore.

You decide it's now or never, time is ticking...

Cut open and search the mattress for anything useful.
Investigate the Sh*t hole further.

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#1007 Keep hope alive by TH

Hope lives truly inside of you like a burning fire.

'I'm still beautiful' you repeat to yourself inside your head.

You realise that consciousness is now really only coming to you, if you can call it that.

You can't see, hear, smell, taste, feel anyting. At this point you are wondering 'do I even exist?'

You know that your in a full body cast because you can't move, or maybe you simply cant move your body and the numbness you feel is because all feeling has left you as your nerve receptors have all be burned out of your body.

You slowly begin to realize that in fact you may be paralyzed, blocked off from the outside world, a living brain inside a rotting corpse.

The words 'I'm still beautiful' begin to slowly fade away from you.

You simply tried too hard to be Nicolas cage, maybe this desire stemmed from 'A thousand words', 2012 was a crazy year.

you don't really know what to do know, all you are is your consciousness.

Revisit some of your greatest memories
Pray 'internally' that the surgeons will save you.

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#1006 Cry by TH

Geez that's a really disturbing sight, Mel is quivering in the corner, luckily you are unable to see it not having eyes and all.

You decide to stop now as its getting you nowhere.

You stand, almost slipping in the pool of tears on the floor.

"Get away from me!" Mel squeals clearly freaked out by your gross eye holes.

You reach out ahead of you, you can feel Mel's bedpost.

Try to get into bed and wake up from this nightmare
Turn around and feel elsewhere

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#1005 Walk up to the guard by rabidpeanut

the guard looks at you dead in your eyes

punch the guard
ask about the ducks

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#1004 "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, wouldja?" by James Burton

"You're damn fucking right I would bro," Mel spits at you as he swiftly slips closer and closer to you. As the bags fall over in the saliva a bread roll tumbles towards the far end of the room. Meanwhile a second bag drops a banana in front of you. You figure you should grab something to defend you...

Grab the banana
Grab the bread roll

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#1003 Take a nap. by TH

You take a nap.

Being the most hated character in all of star trek the next generation, you are plagued by horrific visions in your sleep.

A bright light shines upon you from above, you look up, it is a nerd.

I am the ghost of star trek past, your a F*ck wad!

How wude!

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#1002 Use the shard as a knife against the guards. by Mikey

The first guard collapses, but you lose the shard in his fat.

Attack the second guard with your fists
Seduce the second guard

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#1001 Haunt Billy Crystal by TH

"Billy!" You yell as your soul is sucked into the abyss.

Despite claims that you are an atheist, you are in fact christian so right now you should be ascending to heaven.

Except you have unfinished business with flippin Mike from monsters INC.

"That F*ckin asshole, that just tears it! It's time for Harry to meet my fist!"

You ghost apparate to Billy, who appears to still be consumed in grief for Anne Ramsey.

"Billy!" you boom above his head, he jumps and looks around started. "You're a real Tw*t Billy!" you exclaim as Billy's ears start to bleed at your piercing cry, he sobs louder!

"Get a hold of yourself, your murderous psyco!" He ignores and sways from side to side, he has definitely lost it.

Posses Billy.
Leave him be.

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#1000 Scalp his face off by Toby H

You jump at Clint Eastwood, he yells and jumps to his feet ready to fight.

"come at me ya faceless b*st*rd!" he retorts, all other celebrities have now formed a ring around the two of you ready to for a fight.

Clint strikes first and produces a large gash on the side of your face, you realise his hands are in claws, he strikes like a wild cat.

Your hands are balled in fists, it is your turn...

Aim high
Aim low

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#999 <i>*Belch*</i> "I ate him." by Toby H

You smile a cruel grimace. And receive several more blows to the head whilst one guard screams and sobs in the corner.

You eventually black out.

When you awake, you are not back in your cell. You appear to be in some sort of solitary confinement.

There is a loud *Clank* and your cell door opens. "Ah!" the guard says "your awake", He gives you a dirty look as he shuts the door behind him.

"Due to your recent pursuit of cannibalism, We have positioned your in the solitary confinement unit, we don't know how a baby came into the prison but people are claiming to have seen you eat it. There will be a court hearing later today, from which if you are found guilty of eating the child you may receive another 15 years in prison, have a nice day." he makes like a bush and leaves.

Well sh*t, nice going Hannibal Lecter, what now?

Look for a way out
Meditate, find your inner peace

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